The Avatar Effect

The Avatar Effect
Avatar was easily one of the best movies that came out last year or within the last couple of years. If you haven’t seen this movie you have no idea what you have missed.

In the movie the creatures that lived on the planet that we humans decided to take over (as humans always do). Well when we finally see the inhabitants of the planet next to humans you can see the difference in size between the two. Funny thing is that throughout the movie when I just saw the creature I didn’t think about how big they were. I looked at them in relevance to myself. I essentially made them the same size as a human. This is what I call the Avatar Effect. Where you look at something from your perspective alone and not as things actually are.

The other day my husband and I were talking about some people that we know and how we (I) relate to them. The instance was how I look at people. Apparently when I deal with a person I deal with them in the perspective that they are in the same place (or better) that I am in. The example was one of my “friends”. She doesn’t have the same financial situation that I have. However when I deal with her and I share with her all of the things that I buy I seem to miss the fact that she isn’t as able to do the same. She isn’t able to go out to spend a couple of hundred on one pair of shoes. Or when I go out and buy all new clothes and give her all my old clothes that I don’t want any more for whatever reason I give the old ones to her because she knows people that could fit (and use)them. What I seemed to be missing was that she had started to breed contempt towards me. Although she has never said anything outwardly, she has had a nasty tone of voice at times.

Like I said I hadn’t picked up on it until recently. With having the new family it has forced me to slow down enough that I had to take notice of what was going on around me. Before it was harder to do because I was constantly on the go. Getting back to avatar, I never looked at the fact that she was in a position that prevented her from partaking of the wonders and joys of shopping, I was more concerned with who I “thought” she was as a person. The person that I knew never seemed to have a problem with me or what I was doing, at least that was what I was lead to believe. It was never my intention to make someone feel less because they had less. I just liked to share my blessings. It was never as if she didn’t do the same in her own way. She talked about shoes or trips she went on.

At first I thought that it was because I had gotten married and had a baby that was the catalyst for the change. To me I am the same person, my circumstances just changed a little. But D started to see that whenever she asked me about what we were doing (and buying) her whole attitude changed. Like the green eyed monster reared its ugly head. Damn who would have thought someone that was so close for so long would turn like that.

Getting back to the topic, I brought her up to my level in my mind instead of dealing with her where she is at. I should have known better. You cannot talk to a starving person about a 32oz steak that you are eating and not think that they may have some problem with that, hence the avatar effect. After the initial discovery, you go back to putting people back where you are. So this had made me look at my friends and those that I surround myself with in a new light. She was not the only person that I have done this too. What I thought I was doing was looking at people just as people, not at them for what they have or don’t have. Most of my friends are at my level or above so it was never any real issue, but I guess some are not and for them my good fortune or marrying well as one person told me as put me into a place that causes them to feel some anger towards me. While I find it disheartening I won’t stop sharing when I buy a new coat or bag or whatever, I will just be careful who I share my news with but if you ask don’t get you panties in a bunch when I tell you.