I'm On The Phone

Today started out like any other day. I packed up my laptop to head to the coffee shop so I can send out a couple of resumes. One my way my friend called and said she was cooking breakfast. So hey, I like to eat so I stopped by for a plate.

After I finished eating, I thought I should hook up the ipod since it was dead. And then I got my morning call. Oh my I could barely contain the joy that seeps from my soul when he calls. Then the doorbell rang. Since it isn’t my house, I paid no attention to it. I should have. I should have been trying to escape from the side door. Guess who walks through the door…the ex. Damn, this used to be the safe space since he wasn’t talking to his sister.

I continued with my conversation. Laughing and joking about the situation with my brother and his scatter brained behind. So as I continued to talk, the ex decided to let his presence be known to me. As if I didn’t notice his vile arse enter the room. He did so by telling me he liked my computer. By asking me questions about his work habits. Calling me a spy since I had all my “high tech” gadgets with me. By walking his sorry behind over to me.

Maybe he didn’t realize I was on the phone. But how could he not, I don’t go around talking to myself in public. Well, at least where people can possibly notice that I’m doing it. Not to mention I was bust texting his sister asking her why was he talking to me. Last time I saw him, he was spewing venom about my presence at his brother’s house for a birthday party. Funny how when he is with his girl (my cousin) he hates my guts, but when she have vanished, he is grabbing at what little attention he can get from me.

The thing is, he knew I was on the phone. He knew I was talking to a guy. I guess he thought I would get all flustered with him here. Or maybe he thought that the other guy would get jealous. No need. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason. I should have known this was going to happen. Last night I dreamt that I was arguing with him. Next time I guess I’ll heed the warning.

Happy

Why is it that the one person that makes me happy, also is the reason I’m sad. A couple of months ago I found a man that makes me smile. Really smile, from the inside out. I wasn’t looking though. He kind of just fell into my lap. My “brother” got sick and asked me to give his friend a call and explain his condition. I did. Initially I just wanted to let him know what was up. And after my brother went back home, he asked that he do the same thing and keep me informed.

He did. Everyday he would call me and let me know what was going on. We would text and talk throughout the days. He became a calming constant in my worry for my brother. Little did I know that one day our conversations would take a turn. One I wasn’t prepared for, yet was pleasantly surprised. We began to talk about ourselves. We became people outside of our concern for G.

We talk about everything. If you can imagine it, we talk about it. We laugh, we discuss politics, we talk about ourselves. We spend countless hours wrapped up inside our own world. I wake up with him on my mind and fall asleep with thoughts of him playing in my subconscious. When he calls, something inside me lights up. I feel a warmth deep down that I have never experienced before.

I have come to rely on him. He provides me with a closeness even though he is many, many miles away. Even thought I feel close to him, I still feel very far away from him. We talk for hours on end. So much that the days seem to slip away faster than sand falls from a person’s hands. My only problem is that at the moment he is in the presence of another woman. Not that they are in a relationship, but they occupy the same living space. And she has a problem with him being on the phone with me. So much to the point that he has to get off the phone to keep the peace. And that takes away from my time. And that makes me sad.

I almost feel like I need to talk to him. Like something is missing from my day if we don’t speak. When he went to Korea, I missed his voice. I never would have guessed that I would get that attached to a person I hadn’t met in person. So now we have decided that we will meet towards the end of the month. I can’t remember the last time I was so excited. Even though I’m excited, I’m nervous. I have an idea of who he is through our conversations and pictures we have sent. I want to make sure that he matches the image I have of him in my head. I hope so.