Happy

Why is it that the one person that makes me happy, also is the reason I’m sad. A couple of months ago I found a man that makes me smile. Really smile, from the inside out. I wasn’t looking though. He kind of just fell into my lap. My “brother” got sick and asked me to give his friend a call and explain his condition. I did. Initially I just wanted to let him know what was up. And after my brother went back home, he asked that he do the same thing and keep me informed.

He did. Everyday he would call me and let me know what was going on. We would text and talk throughout the days. He became a calming constant in my worry for my brother. Little did I know that one day our conversations would take a turn. One I wasn’t prepared for, yet was pleasantly surprised. We began to talk about ourselves. We became people outside of our concern for G.

We talk about everything. If you can imagine it, we talk about it. We laugh, we discuss politics, we talk about ourselves. We spend countless hours wrapped up inside our own world. I wake up with him on my mind and fall asleep with thoughts of him playing in my subconscious. When he calls, something inside me lights up. I feel a warmth deep down that I have never experienced before.

I have come to rely on him. He provides me with a closeness even though he is many, many miles away. Even thought I feel close to him, I still feel very far away from him. We talk for hours on end. So much that the days seem to slip away faster than sand falls from a person’s hands. My only problem is that at the moment he is in the presence of another woman. Not that they are in a relationship, but they occupy the same living space. And she has a problem with him being on the phone with me. So much to the point that he has to get off the phone to keep the peace. And that takes away from my time. And that makes me sad.

I almost feel like I need to talk to him. Like something is missing from my day if we don’t speak. When he went to Korea, I missed his voice. I never would have guessed that I would get that attached to a person I hadn’t met in person. So now we have decided that we will meet towards the end of the month. I can’t remember the last time I was so excited. Even though I’m excited, I’m nervous. I have an idea of who he is through our conversations and pictures we have sent. I want to make sure that he matches the image I have of him in my head. I hope so.