Adventures in Excercise

As most of you know, I didn’t post on Monday about my adventures is exercise. It was Hannah’s birthday so we just hung out at the house. So yesterday, we got back into the swing of things. It was warm in the Land yesterday so the outfit I had on wasn’t going to work. So on my way to class, I had to make a stop by my house to change into some shorts.

When I got back to the rec center I had to sit out in the hall because there was cheerleading practice in the room we work out in. While I have a minute, let me just say that as I watched the girls practice, I wanted to take my belt off and beat every last one of them. 8-10 year-olds shouldn’t dance like that. I was like watching stripper practice. All that was missing were a bunch of poles. Makes me thankful I don’t have any kids. And if I ever catch one of my nieces doing that mess, Ima punch them in the throat. Auntie BooBoo don’t play that. Anais and Jordan, you have been warned! You too Dee and Tina, when they come to ya’ll crying, you know why.

After practice let out, we all filed into the room, got our steps and set up. About 6 the instructor walked in and chatted with a couple of people. As he made his rounds I sat on my step preparing for the torture to begin. Oh, this is probably a good time to mention that Hannah snitched on me. That’s right; she showed the instructor the first blog that I wrote. And not only that, she told him it was me. Some friend she is. If she didn’t lay my hair out, I would break her fingernail. Hannah, remember snitches get stitches.

6:30 we are under way. This week there is a lot less people than last Wednesday. I guess he made a bunch of people not come back. Either that or they are still in the hospital. We all get into the groove of the steps and are doing our thing when we had to turn. Here is where the trouble begins. We facing the left and in that row is this man, old enough to be somebody’s daddy doing the steps with us. Don’t get me wrong, there are men in the class, but this one takes the cake.

This man is in a pea green, long sleeved shirt and some corduroy pants. Now for those of you not familiar with the weather in Cleveland, it was 75 yesterday. Not only that, it is hot as hell up in this room and he is sweating more that all the women in the room put together. And every step he’s doing is wrong. I mean WRONG. He doesn’t even have a step. Now that everyone is turned facing him they all mess up. I’m laughing so hard that I slid off the step and hurt my foot. Now I have this painful cramp in my foot that has me hopping around like a kangaroo. I had to take a break.

This man messed me up so much I have to do everything in the reverse I don’t see him and injure myself more. Even the instructor laughed at him. If it wasn’t bad enough that there are still parts I haven’t mastered, doing it in the reverse has thrown me completely off. But I kept up as best as I could. And now I have the A-step. Now I have to master the U and full U and I’ll be unstoppable. And I think I need a new pair of shoes. Maybe some Nike shocks.
After class, Hannah pointed me out to the instructor. Yeah I saw that elbow. You know you’re in for it! And maybe Friday I’ll have some video to show you. Wish me luck!

Round is a Shape part deux

Today is round 2 of the class that is going to kill me or get me ready for summer. Today I went for a less cute approach and opted for a pair of my grandfather’s shorts and a Cleveland Clinic Hospital T-shirt. This way they will know where to take me when I pass out.

I arrive early as usual and Hannah greets me at the door. We walk down the hall to this little room. I would say it is the size of my living room and dinning room combined. There are a couple of people playing ping pong and a couple of kids hanging around. So we grab our steps and Hannah starts to set them up in that room. I’m looking a little confused and she must notice because she says we’ll be in here today. What. In. The. Hell? Monday there were quite a few people, there is no way all of us are going to fit in here. But hey, what do I know.

We sat at the door and watched a couple of other people come in. Everyone is sitting around the perimeter of the room and I swear if I threw a rock I would hit everyone at least twice. While I’m thinking about it, let me ass a PSA. PSA ~ Ladies, if when you lean forward and your shorts turn into a thong, please, please, please for the sake of everyone else, DON’T.

This little room is packed. I mean we are squeezed in so close I know somebody is going home with a black eye and people are still arriving. Hannah and I are sitting there talking about how it feels good to be in a class where there are other women that look like us. Thick, some larger and some smaller. It’s really nice not to have a complex about weight. Then all of a sudden this chick walks in and all eyes are on her. I swear if looks could kill she would have been dead 7 times over. Seriously she must be a size 2 why is she in here with us. We all started out pumped and ready to go; now you got half of us depressed and wanting ice cream and brownies. I don’t like her already.

About 6:30 the instructor strolls in. And as he walks past Hannah give him a copy of the blog I wrote. Damn her. She put me on blast. He’s gonna know I wrote it. He walks over and turns the music on. And everyone goes over to their steps. And he starts calling out things. And for whatever reason, half the class is off beat. Good now I don’t feel like the only white girl with a good tan. And he sure did start calling us off beat people out.

So he changes the song. This time I am determined to keep up. And I was doing pretty good until I got hit with a flying drop of sweat. EEEWWWWW. The chick in front of me looked like she was doing this under water. I’m disgusted. I’m ready to go home. But I can’t. I try hard to refocus myself and stay out sweat range. So the instructor is walking about trying to make sure that everyone stays on beat and is doing the right moves. So he hops in front of me and starts to do the step. He got me talking to the back of his head telling him to move or face his demise. So now guess who’s off beat. Yeah score one for me! Not a good idea to stand around me when I’m throwing up knees and throwing punches.

He later goes back to the front of the room and picks on someone else. Things are going great until we get back to the punches. The then yells out ‘Is that how you fight?’ and he’s looking in my direction. So I turn to see who he’s talking to and he says me. So I had to let him know, I got a 38 that fights for me. I don’t intend on getting hit back. I don’t think he liked that comment cause he start to call all kinds of steps. Stuff I couldn’t catch on to with the exception of the V Step.

I don’t know where he got the cheerleader from but she almost got cussed out. Talking about don’t stop. My heart just gave up on me. I have to stop to make it start again. I doubt she can do heart compressions. Good thing I did wear my Cleveland Clinic shirt. I hope Hannah remembered what I told her on Monday. Maybe I need to write it on my arm in marker just in case. I would have said something to her but I was gasping for air. Somebody needed to open a door. There is no way you should have that many people in one room without ventilation. Women sweat and get funky too.

Overall, it wasn’t nearly as bad as the first class. And this morning when I put my pants on I was able to button them too. So I guess all that sweating, crunching, squatting, and stepping is good for something other than making me hurt.

Round is a shape

Round is a shape

I’ve been making plans to go to VA this summer (finally) and see my brother Gerald and his family. So I decided to get myself beach ready. So I have 6 weeks to get my stomach flatter than it is. Wish me luck!

Yesterday was my first step class. I don’t know what made me think that this would be a good idea. Since Hannah does it, I thought I could do it. But then again she has been there several times. I was really excited to go to. I had started working out at home on my exercise ball and doing my videos, so I knew I would be able to pull this off.

So let me tell you how things went down. First the guy who teaches the class gets up front and everyone walks over to their steps. He turns on the music and everyone starts to do the side step thing. Still feeling confident, I join in. Then all hell breaks loose. The guys starts calling out steps and I’m totally lost. Maybe I should have asked what the terminology was before I started so I would almost be able to keep up. Next thing I know there is a lot of kicking, clapping, and punching going on and I’m still on the first step.

Now is probably a good time to mention that I found out I am horribly uncoordinated. Not only that, but my heart is beating so fast you would think I took a whole box of benedryl and drank two gallons of coffee. Then the pain in my left arm started. So now I’m thinking I’m having a heart attack, but then I realized I got kicked. Sadly this is just the warm up. I turn to Hannah to tell her my mother is on speed dial #6 and gave her a briefing on my medical history. At least the real important things that I can remember.

By now the second part has started. And I’m still doing my best to keep up. Yeah I guess I’m out of shape. But isn’t round a shape? It’s not like I’m overly large. I just want to loose my stomach and get my thighs in better shape. Getting back to class, maybe I should add asthmatic to my list of health problems cause now I can’t breathe. Somebody please help me. The lady in front of me was kind enough to try to show me how to breathe, but it wasn’t working. And the instructor started to look at her crazy. I tried to tell him that she was helping me, but when you’re looking for an oxygen mask, words don’t come out very easily.

OMG, did he just say double time? I could barely keep up single pace. Yeah I was a sad sight. I think I even threw Hannah off. And if that wasn’t bad enough the chick on the side of me has this whole butt crack showing thing going. I really want her to pull her pants up or shirt down. Then I started to wonder if my heart could explode. yeah just like that.

45 minutes later, I’m covered from head to toe in sweat, which is not a good look. No matter how cute I thought I was in my ‘I’m Your Bad Habit’ t-shirt, I wasn’t drenched like I was. My hair … let’s just say I need to schedule an appointment. And I can barely walk. I don’t even want to see what the abs portion looks like. I just want to go home and get in a hot bath. I called my mother to warn her that on Wednesday she might get a call and explained to her why. I almost hung up on her cause she was laughing so hard. Even my sister-in-law couldn’t stop laughing at me.

Tomorrow is class # 2. Wish me luck yall. I need all the positive thoughts I can get. Just please no laughing.